a little of something that i learn here

maybe they're right. when i'm younger i've been told that when you grow older especially when you're studying away from home, you'll notice how important friends are to you. but in the meantime, how hard it is to find a true friend. how selfish it is for everyone when it comes to being a friend.

some of your 'so-called' friends are those that will just come by when they need help from you. wow that time they will be like so nice to you, kept smiling at you, talk so sweetly with you but when they're done with you, they'll just leave you there alone. when you try talking to them again they just don't give a damn about you. they just don't seem to care a single word out from your mouth. they'll show you the sarcastic attitude and every word from their mouth is like mocking you. and especially when they're your those only few 'friends' out here in this complete foreign land, you just only wish for their accompany but then they can just leave you without even notifying you like you just don't exist. the kinda 'i don't care' attitude towards you. i don't ask for much too, did i? issit really that hard for you to just be a friend that actually care? issit that hard for me to have some freaking decent friends here? damn man no offence but i really hate people like this.

maybe it's also because now unlike the old days we only meet our friends when we're in school, now during college life you live with your friends under the same roof and see each other almost all the time not only during school time. so you can actually discover what their true colors are easily. to see the truth of what kinda person they really are.

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and another thing is that, i don't know why but i felt like i really lost contact with all my old friends. should it be like this? timothy we're not like we used to be already. i felt like we're so far away, not our distance but our friendship. even a video call with all the brothers is so hard for you now. you know how sad and heartbroken i was when you kept declining me and kept telling me how busy you are enjoying your time with your new friends, with your church friends and that you won't be free for the whole freaking weekend! who the heck would believe a thing like that? two days without even any free time?? can't you see i'm just trying to connect all of us the 5 brothers back together again and putting in effort not to make our connections snap just like that? don't you wish like that too? you're not doing anything with me to help then why can't you at least appreciate what i was doing?

:(


just look at us. we don't even laugh like we used to :(


and i can't even manage to get all of you guys together in just one single video call :(((


and also all the other 3 brothers, i felt like all 5 of us are so far away from each other now. it's like we all got our own lives now and we've forgotten about how good we were before when we're all still in sibu. what does this '5 brothers' mean to you all now? shouldn't this relationship be thicker than just ordinary friends like what you can see by basing on the word 'brothers'? i don't want us to feel so far apart from one another. i really don't want to. i really miss the times when we're all still together. the times that i can be really really sure there's definitely someone beside me to support me and to back me up like you guys always do. unlike the so-called friends i mentioned above, you guys are definitely not like that. why issit so hard for me to find someone like you guys here? i enjoy the times we spent together before, and when i say that, i really mean it.

but why why i ask, why are we like this now? :(

Just a little something that i feel right now..

‎2 kinds of friends: those who are around when I need them,

and those who are around when they need me.
When you're up, your friends know who you are. When you're down, you know who your friends are.
where are you my real friend?