don't worry. i'm doing just fine :)

Honestly, this won't do
How is she doing?
I tell myself I'm feeling swell
But I know I'm such a fool

I could take it as a new beginning
But you know I don't feel that way
Who will take all this pain away?
I know it's wrong for me to say.

"That girl".
this song's still so nice until now.
Day 85

you're worth it dear :)

No one who has a true friend can ever lose all hope. For no one can feel totally worthless who has worth in another's eyes. :)

oya btw, the weather in kl is so nice recently. just love the soothing wind blowing everyday :)))

touched :')

a song i discovered after watching Letters to God, owh how the movie had touched me :')

anyway this song is really nice too. have a try! there's really few song that will attract me this much when i just heard it for the first time. and trust me, i don't bluff when it comes to songs :P

saturday blues? :p

why does the rain keep falling these days? rain is good, i guess. especially during these freaking hot days around in Malaysia. but it actually gives us the blues as well.

hmm..

*******************************

p/s: oya btw happy birthday Kelvin! my best roommie in the world! hehe love your crazy laughters all the time and always enjoy the times being with you. (i guess you're the only one that's always with me in our room either when we're playing our computers or studying, while the others are always outside at the living room. LOL) glad to have you as my roommate. and i really thank God for that :DDD

a little of something that i learn here

maybe they're right. when i'm younger i've been told that when you grow older especially when you're studying away from home, you'll notice how important friends are to you. but in the meantime, how hard it is to find a true friend. how selfish it is for everyone when it comes to being a friend.

some of your 'so-called' friends are those that will just come by when they need help from you. wow that time they will be like so nice to you, kept smiling at you, talk so sweetly with you but when they're done with you, they'll just leave you there alone. when you try talking to them again they just don't give a damn about you. they just don't seem to care a single word out from your mouth. they'll show you the sarcastic attitude and every word from their mouth is like mocking you. and especially when they're your those only few 'friends' out here in this complete foreign land, you just only wish for their accompany but then they can just leave you without even notifying you like you just don't exist. the kinda 'i don't care' attitude towards you. i don't ask for much too, did i? issit really that hard for you to just be a friend that actually care? issit that hard for me to have some freaking decent friends here? damn man no offence but i really hate people like this.

maybe it's also because now unlike the old days we only meet our friends when we're in school, now during college life you live with your friends under the same roof and see each other almost all the time not only during school time. so you can actually discover what their true colors are easily. to see the truth of what kinda person they really are.

*************************************

and another thing is that, i don't know why but i felt like i really lost contact with all my old friends. should it be like this? timothy we're not like we used to be already. i felt like we're so far away, not our distance but our friendship. even a video call with all the brothers is so hard for you now. you know how sad and heartbroken i was when you kept declining me and kept telling me how busy you are enjoying your time with your new friends, with your church friends and that you won't be free for the whole freaking weekend! who the heck would believe a thing like that? two days without even any free time?? can't you see i'm just trying to connect all of us the 5 brothers back together again and putting in effort not to make our connections snap just like that? don't you wish like that too? you're not doing anything with me to help then why can't you at least appreciate what i was doing?

:(


just look at us. we don't even laugh like we used to :(


and i can't even manage to get all of you guys together in just one single video call :(((


and also all the other 3 brothers, i felt like all 5 of us are so far away from each other now. it's like we all got our own lives now and we've forgotten about how good we were before when we're all still in sibu. what does this '5 brothers' mean to you all now? shouldn't this relationship be thicker than just ordinary friends like what you can see by basing on the word 'brothers'? i don't want us to feel so far apart from one another. i really don't want to. i really miss the times when we're all still together. the times that i can be really really sure there's definitely someone beside me to support me and to back me up like you guys always do. unlike the so-called friends i mentioned above, you guys are definitely not like that. why issit so hard for me to find someone like you guys here? i enjoy the times we spent together before, and when i say that, i really mean it.

but why why i ask, why are we like this now? :(

Just a little something that i feel right now..

‎2 kinds of friends: those who are around when I need them,

and those who are around when they need me.
When you're up, your friends know who you are. When you're down, you know who your friends are.
where are you my real friend?

soooooo sweet ♥

Bruno Mars's 'Count On Me' covered by Victor Kim and Cathy Nguyen :)


love it!



listen to part 0:40-0:50. look at cathy. awwww ♥ :P


If you ever find yourself stuck in the middle of the sea,
I'll sail the world to find you
If you ever find yourself lost in the dark and you can't see,
I'll be the light to guide you

Find out what we're made of
What we are called to help our friends in need

You can count on me like 1 2 3
I'll be there
And I know when I need it I can count on you like 4 3 2
And you'll be there
Cause that's what friends are supposed to do, oh yeah
You can count on me cause I can count on you


If tou toss and you turn and you just can't fall asleep
I'll sing a song beside you
And if you ever forget how much you really mean to me
Everyday I will remind you

You'll always have my shoulder when you cry
I'll never let go
Never say goodbye

we could've been like this. best friends

loving somebody

after so long i still love this mv and the dances inside so much :DDD


Enjoy. ;)



check out 0:45-0:50! my fav part! ;)

Days still pass

I think i don't love you anymore :)

Day 76.
And i think it should end now.

secrets

a typical love story of a boy and a girl. and i only have the rights to cry for.
haih how touching. how pathetic

A Day Out With A New Friend.

Today brought Shi Hao, my school classmate with me to church. though he's a buddhist himself but i'm really happy and glad that he accepted my invitation to go check out my church with me today. :DDD

and also just so you know, shi hao, i'm really glad to have you as my new friend here in this 'foreign land'. we just became close recently but i guess that you know me a lot better than the others. and i really thank God for a friend like you here too :)

************************************************

anyway thank you. hope that you had fun today. feel free to tell me if you wanna come with me to church again. really hope that you'll come again so hehehe see you soon yeah ;D




p/s: your chinese is so good man. teach me next time okay? ;) and btw i love reading your blog. damn your chinese is so hot, can compete with lim yi lo HAHAHAHA

so i finally decided to end the silence

i finally took up the courage and texted her.

yeah. after 1 month.

what is life?

thoughts kept running in my mind. thoughts about life.

life is really unpredictable. you never know what will happen to you in the next second. normally we never thought that our lives could be gone in just a snap of finger so we always take life for granted. we don't cherish our life enough or appreciate the ones around us. think about it.

may she rest in peace.

what if you die tomorrow? what will you do?

怎么句句都深动心悬 :)

单身的都来看看。 :)

不要说保持单身的男女没情趣，也不要说大学不谈恋爱没意思，有位名人曾说过“大学不谈恋爱，后悔四年，大学谈恋爱，后悔一辈子”, 学生时代，周围接触最多的人都年龄相仿，所以价值观都差不多，都想着将来有个好工作，有个好恋人。正因为理想差不多，所以两个人在一起会很开心，也就很容易走到了一起。至于恋爱是否会影响学习，这里就不说了，因为既有促进作用，也有消极作用，因人而异。


但是，当毕业后，由于工作的需要，或考研的需要，两人必须长时间分开。即使分开前信誓旦旦，但以后见面的机会将会非常少。不要说你会坚守爱情，在事业的压力下你若分心就无法使自己更优秀。而在你事业低谷时，那个搀扶你一把的人，往往使你心存感激，你会发现原来这个人就是你生命中最重要的人。而你原来爱的那个人，对你由爱生恨，你反而失去一个很好的朋友。


所以，现在若有人想跟你交往，估计也是看中近期的利益(两人在一块的感觉，没有那么多顾虑)而没有把眼光放远于未来的人。毕竟谈恋爱就得多多少少花钱，而钱全是父母给的生活费，你都还不会赚钱，没有自己的事业，凭什么可以乱花钱呢？从某种意义上讲，是父母在帮你谈恋爱，一点都没有靠自己的力量去追求自己的所爱。


恋人不是随意寻找的，因为在没有完全了解对方之前，对方可以为了吸引你暂时改变自己，而一旦你完全了解对方后，分手就指日可待了。所以恋爱应该是日久生情，彼此非常熟知后自然地走在一起，甚至无需表白。不要认为对方人很好就轻易妥协，人好不是爱情的全部，你们必须为爱情的将来做打算。


如果遇到一个你深爱的女孩，而你感觉她也喜欢你，大部分的人都是直接就开始交往了。这样做的后果可能就是前面所说的，最后失去一个深爱的人。你或许应该以朋友的名义关心她，在毕业后仍保持联系，然后为了她努力工作。当你在事业上有所成就后再去找她，如果此时她仍在等你，说明你没看错人。女孩，如果一个男生他随意就喜欢上妳，那么他以后也会很快就喜欢上别人的。爱情晚点来，就不会走得太早。我们并不需要靠失恋来成熟。


在学校里的爱情是无知的，在社会中的爱情可能是有目的的，只有遇到逆境仍走下去的爱情才是永恒的。爱情不是和一个最适合自己的人在一起，而是遇到一个更适合自己的人时，能够坚守自己对所爱的人作出的承诺。爱情不是两个人眼睛对视，而是两个人的眼光看着同一个方向。（这句话是谁说的..太精辟了吧！）


网上的“爱你，为你做这些事”看起来很感人，因为大部分人都不是这种爱情。爱情不是一种潮流，你要有自己的看法，在你的理想恋人未出现时，你要有毅力选择一直单身，而不是找个替代品。当你做到后，网上传的那些事，在你的爱情中是再基本不过的了。


男生，在谈恋爱时不要抱着不适合就分手的想法，一定要慎重地考虑清楚，女朋友就是你未来的老婆，结婚只不过是多一张无用的纸而已，结婚并不是为爱情加了锁，真正的爱情从来就不需要任何的束缚。一旦你选择了恋爱，就要有一种责任感，你要为你父母的儿子、你老婆的丈夫、你未来孩子的爸爸负责！


单身并没有什么不好，你一样可以关心你喜欢的人，这样可以让大众觉得你是一个很好的朋友（大爱这句话，哈哈，终于没有罪恶感了）；而恋爱中的人，关心别人则会引发醋意，从爱情观说也是对爱情不够忠诚，但不关心别人则又失去很多友谊，一旦你分手了，就赔了夫人又折兵。所以现在单身，不是说你不向往爱情，而是证明你对未来的她所存的一份痴情。


一个优秀的人单身说明这人足够优秀，一个再优秀的人随意恋爱说明这人的优秀只是表面而已。真正希望对方好的，就是默默在背后关心对方。最好的承诺，不是爱你一万年，而是根本不需要承诺。



虽然分手是另一段爱情的重新开始，但每次恋爱只有一次，一个人在恋爱中对爱情的向往是最多的，而一旦失败，刻骨铭心。

一个人的寂寞，是两个人的错。

还是原来那个我
不过撂掉几公升泪所以变瘦
对着镜子我承诺
迟早我会换这张脸应对笑容
不算什么 爱错就爱错
早点认错 早一点解脱

我寂寞寂寞就好
这时候谁都别来安慰拥抱
就让我一个人去痛到 受不了伤到快疯掉
死不了就还好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
我就不相信我会笨到 忘不了赖着不放掉
人本来就寂寞的
借来的都该还掉

我总会把你戒掉

还是原来那个你
是我自己做梦你有改变什么
再多的爱也没用
每个人有每个人的业障因果
会有什么 什么都没有
早点看破 才看的见以后

我寂寞寂寞就好
这时候谁都别来安慰拥抱
就让我一个人去痛到 受不了伤到快疯掉
死不了就还好
我寂寞寂寞就好
你真的不用来我回忆里微笑
我就不相信我会笨到 忘不了赖着不放掉
人本来就寂寞的
我总会把你戒掉。

寂寞时还是会想起你。

爱情如花，友情如酒，花开一阵，酒香一生。

Friends.

they are really the main reason i can get over with this. these few days it feels so nice to get to know more and more about them. they're the ones that kept me from swelling in my sorrow. had a lot of great time with them. felt happy when i'm with them too. guess that this is my new life here after all. not you my dear, sorry.

i love you all :)
you've once been my everything, but now i guess you're just the past. something left behind and gone, once and for all. these friends are now my reason to go on.

there are so many reasons to keep smiling. ♥

终于告一段落了

just want you to know that, i'm fine now. i think i'm over with it. all the things that i wanted to know had been asked and all the things that kept unknown in myself are resolved by now. so i guess that this is it. i never wanted it to be like this as well at the very first place. i gotta look forward. there's so many things in life so much better than this. i will miss out so many if i continue to swell in the sorrow. i fought the battle, and i lost. bitter sweet symphony. maybe it was just a stupid decision i made. if i have not been that naive that time, everything won't go wrong like this today. maybe it was just a mistake after all. but yeah you're right, there will be a better future and i'm looking forward for it. thanks for the memories you gave. i'll be strong, i promise, old friend.

直等到你再次的想起我。

Listen, everything happens for a reason.

haha cindy now i finally know why are you so into this song :P



thanks :)

(English Lyrics)

I'm gonna be strong
Fine, breaking up is better
This was going to happen between us anyway
You were going to do this anyway
This is better, better than falling deeper in love anyway
I think of it as fortunate, that's why I'm okay

I gave you all my all
I believed you so I gave you my all
But you threw that away
I gave you my everything
So I'm gonna be okay

I'm gonna be okay
I'll be okay
Gonna be okay
Baby without you
Without you
Baby without you
Without you

Without you, I'll be cooler
More cooler
I'm going to stand up
Without you
I'll live on
Without you

Listen, everything happens for a reason
Everything happens for a reason
This is the last time you'll meet another man
Your words don't even make sense
Just turn around
It hurts me too much
I don't want to see you anymore

I was being fooled all this while
I didn't even know who you were
But I know now
You don't know love
So that's why I'm gonna be okay

Gonna be okay
I'll be okay
Gonna be okay
Baby without you
Without you
Baby without you
Without you

Without you, I'll be cooler
More cooler
I'm going to stand up
Without you
I'll live on
Without you

Why are you doing this to me, why?
Why do you have to do this to me, make me cry?
Was it enough to throw everything we had?
All of the times we were together
And the times we can never be together again
Aren't they wasteful, to you?
Does it not matter to you?
Even now, are you okay without me?

I'm gonna be okay
Gonna be okay
I'll be okay
Gonna be okay
Baby without you
Without you
Baby without you
Without you

Without you, I'll be cooler
More cooler
I'm going to stand up
Without you
I'll live on
Without you.

And in the end. Still. I lost

一段以为会天长地久的爱情走到了落幕的时候。

一个以为会执她之手，与她偕老的爱人走到了分手的时候。

我们该如何面对。

该如何给这段感情一个交代，该如何给爱过的，也正爱着的那个人一个结局？

解决无非是两种

纠缠与不纠缠

是的，我理解，我清楚，我明白

眼睁睁的看着全心全意付出的感情

那个爱着的人离开

是多么残忍，是多么绝望的事

可是残忍和绝望不是纠缠对方的理由

是的，我理解

纠缠是想挽回对方的心

留住对方的情

希望重新开始

将感情继续下去，

给彼此一个新的机会～

给爱一个机会去厮守～

可是，分手的时候。越是纠缠不休。越会让自己伤的更加体无完肤。伤害的不止是自己的心和身。还会让对方，面对你的纠缠说出更绝情的话，甚至做出更绝情的事。

纠缠也践踏了自己的尊严。你越是不死心，不放弃，越是挽留，越是纠缠。只会让对方看轻你，让他走的更快，更远。

这样就把自己从绝望推入了万劫不复的地狱。

如果他真的要分手，那就让他走吧，干净利落的走。笑着让他走。

即使心里已经哭成了海。也不要去纠缠，挽留。

大方的让他走。也许，某天，他还会想起你，还会想起你们的旧情，记起你的好．

我深信

他应该很了解我对他的感情

能够体会出，我对他付出的是真心

既然

他不肯留下，那我何必纠缠

那就放他走，给他自由。

可是，我不纠缠不等于我不想他，不等于，我没有爱过他。

我思念他的心，依然折磨我在日日夜夜。

往往别人不经意的一句话。就能让我想起他。

走在寒冷的街上，再也没有他温暖的手握住我冰冷的手。

那些孤寂的夜里，再也不会有他温暖的拥抱温暖我。

每个失眠的夜，再也没有他的句句关心，字字问候。

甚至电话也一声不响，陪着我沉默。曾经为了他一个电话而欢喜不已

他不在，时间却不会停止不前

如果时间可以停止

我希望

时间停在我们最相爱的那段日子

他不在

我的生活还要继续

一如已往

心底的伤，欲盖弥彰

自己的伤，自己解决

自己的心情，自己整理

自己的疼痛，自己埋葬

但，不会找他

我能做的就是咬着牙自己对自己说，

坚持下去。

卷缩在角落，等待着伤口平复，

我们都是凡尘男女

挣不出纠缠的情网

逃不过爱与被爱的旋涡

心碎神伤后

是漫无止境的寂寞

幸福的感觉也许只能刹那

刹那过后，是一个人的落寞

上帝让我在错误的时间遇上了你

我...哭了

它让我在正确的时间离开了你

你...会哭吗？

好想你能知道

不纠缠，不证明我不爱你

不纠缠，不证明我不想你

不纠缠，不证明我没伤

只是不纠缠

是我能够为我们曾经的爱

能为你做的最后一件事。

i need some rest. so sleepy :O

在你面前我始终还是这么的无法自拔。

another chinese production. *proud*

the girl in the mv is so sweet ♥ :P

songs shared from Bernard from Alwyn ahaha

a very very nice song by Julia :)



How did we ever come to this
I never thought you'd be
Someone I'd have to miss
And there I was caught in your game
Needing answers that never came
And we took a chance
You said you were strong
Strong enough
But you were wrong.

And now I'm deafened by your silence
Blinded by the tears
If you're looking for forgiveness
You won't find that here
Cause you lied your way to heartbreak
And now its all too clear
That you will never be.

Look at her
She won't ever compare
You can say you're sorry
But I still don't care
Was she worth this mess
Was she worth this pain
You can say it's her fault
But you're both to blame

And now I'm deafened by your silence
Blinded by the tears
If you're looking for forgiveness
You won't find that here
Cause you lied your way to heartbreak
And now its all too clear
That you will never be.

Looking back it was all so easy
I hope you know you're my last mistake
Don't come around and say you need me
I won't stay.

Now I know that you were so deceiving
was it fun for you to walk away
I hope you liked it
Cause she's so damn easy
You won't change

Now I'm deafened by your silence
Blinded by the tears
If you're looking for forgiveness
You won't find that here
Cause you lied your way to heartbreak
And now its all too clear
That you will never be
That you will never be.

****************************


And also another song covered by Julia. Airplanes. lovely ♥

to my man here bernard

BERNARD!! HAHAHA thank you so much man. after seeing your post i was smiling. really. thank you. i was touched. very few friends will be as concern as you and to care much about me and i really do appreciate a friend like you :)


thank you again. and yeah i will be tough =)

when time passes.

这一刻突然觉得好熟悉
像昨天今天同时在放映
我这句语气原来好像你
不就是我们爱过的证据

差一点骗了自己骗了你
爱与被爱不一定成正比
我知道被疼是一种运气
但我无法完全交出自己

努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏笔
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔

那一段我们曾心贴着心
我想我更有权力关心你
可能你已走进别人风景
多希望也有星光的投影
努力为你改变
却变不了预留的伏笔
以为在你身边那也算永远
仿佛还是昨天
可是昨天已非常遥远
但闭上双眼我还看得见

可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
可惜不是你陪我到最後
曾一起走却走失那路口
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能感受那温柔
感谢那是你牵过我的手
还能温暖我胸口

现在已不再是怨恨，而是 可惜。

Goodbye hyperhidrosis

Finally the day came. Just went to a surgery for my sweaty hand palms (hyperhidrosis fyi). I've been looking forward for this day since so long ago(it's kinda weird i'm keen for an op hoh? lol)

But if you're in my situation you'll know how hard is it to bare with a pair of sweaty hand palms everyday. Especially when you wanna shake hands with the others or do stuffs in school like copying notes or doing homework, and at one side sweat are coming out like crazy from your hand palms. :(

Anyway so glad that it's all over. Thank you to all my friends that wished me the best during my operation period. I really really appreciate it. And i'm doing fine now thank you guys my hand palms are not sweating at all now :D and most of all thank you God for curing me! This is the best present i got this year =)

(first time going through a surgery, first time being drugged and passed out, first time lying on a hospital bed, first time eating the breakfast provided by the hospital, and first time being pampered by so many missies xD)

Also got to meet up with my parents. They came to acc me through the operation. :D it's 3 months already since i last saw my mummy :O so happy just to see her again =))) after that went to Genting to relax (actually to rest) i just went through an operation for goodness sake! haha my body was kinda weak and the area around my chest is still aching that few days. the doc also asked me to have enough rest for that 2-3 days.


Aww still miss the air cond in the hotel rooms and the 'natural air cond' outside :(
it's ordinary that a boy will wish for a girl to be beside him and to accompany him throughout his weakest period of life, even a simple text will do. but i didn't hear a thing from you, and to be frank, i was kinda disappointed.